Introspection on Times of Uncertainty

Geez it's been a while since I've posted!  I'm trying to work out the kinks with Blogger so it will let me post more photos.  In the meanwhile, it'll be text only.  So if you don't like to read, you have company in the rest of America who would rather scan Instagram for updates.
P.S.  This blog post is more introspective, so I'm sorry if it doesn't poop rainbows.  You'll get what I mean.

At the close of Mike's first semester of medical school and my applications to graduate school, I'd imagine we both are feeling a mixture of relief and apprehension.  While we've both been busting our butts (figuratively...realistically, our butts have done nothing but grow this semester) and it will be nice to come to a conclusion of sorts, the end of one experience lends certainty in a new opportunity for growth.  For Mike, I think the future holds a realization of the expectations of medical school.  For me, I think the future holds unrealized opportunities in the form of a black vortex in my path.  For both of us, one of the scariest and most exciting moments in life will be taking the next step.

Mike and I had a great talk "the other night" about perspective.  In the earlier part of my life, success came relatively easily to me.  While I experienced some difficulties, opportunities --getting good grades, getting hired right after submitting an application, getting into college, remaining driven and optimistic-- all of those things just kind of happened.  It wasn't until college came and went that I was left blinking my eyes and experiencing, for the first time, fear and apprehension about the future.  I haven't gotten the job I want.  My scores on the GRE are not where I'd like them to be.  Most of all, I have no idea where I see myself five years down the road.  I'm 21 and as Mike put it, I'm experiencing a bit of a "quarter life crisis".  One of the hardest experiences in life is to see your greatest successes behind you and a void up ahead.

But while I don't exactly like the family-gathering questions of "What are you doing right now?  Are you getting bored out of you mind?  Do you have a job?  Did you get accepted to school yet?" I understand that we all just want to be excited for one another and celebrate movement and direction. It can be discouraging to feel stymied in your progress, but I know that when I finally do find my calling, it will feel all the sweeter.  At perhaps the greatest crossroads of my life to date, I've realized that the milestones we reach in life, or rather, the people that our trials teach us to become makes all of the waiting, the praying, and the apprehension that we sometimes experience way worth it (my mom teaches me this through her patience in her schooling, and how she's dealt with the unexpected trials that have happened throughout her life).

I take confidence in the fact that I teach a great primary class, I make my husband an Omlette each morning, and I am dang good at words and art and stuff.  All I can hope is that I succeed in the charges I've been given for now:  teacher, daughter, wife, and friend.

Confession: It's Cool to be Hip

   

When I grow up and have kids, they will inevitably look back on old photos and journal entries and tell me what a huge nerd I was and probably still will be.  I’m writing this because for once in my life, I can identify with an actually cool movement, and I want them to know that at least right now, geek is chic  (that’s what one of my nieces told me anyways when I asked why she was wearing some big fake glasses lol). 

I’m not “a hipster” (lets face it, no one will claim the label these days, because it’s "in" to be underground), but I was just thinking today of how funny it is that I have some hipster-ish traits.  If you don't know what this is, I don't think anyone else really does either, except to say that it's the newest movement that I saw a lot of at BYU, and can only be defined by what hipsters do and things they like or wear.  

So here are some things I have in common with Hipsters: 

• I blog.
• I’m in my 20s
• I’ve been writing poetry and song lyrics since I was 13…and I don’t talk about it…
• Mike and I own or have owned Keds & Sperry’s (but no TOMS)
• I’ve always loved to read classic literature
• I thrifted a purse for $2 that other Hipsters think is bomb
• I like Indie music.  My favorite band list right now includes Ingrid Michaelson, Regina Spektor, Florence & the Machine, The Civil Wars, & Flight of the Conchords (just for fun)
• I’ve been playing violin for 10 years and I learned to play the guitar for love (specifically: Mike)
• I minored in art in college
• I love foreign dramas
• English has always been my favorite subject in school, and I love to write
• I know a lot of abstract artists & their pieces
• I have a lot of quirks, like that I’ve always secretly wanted to become a FBI agent or criminal mastermind
• I LOVE ironic TV shows with lots of playful banter (Gilmore girls, 30 Rock, etc.)
• Mike and I don’t eat a ton of meat
• I was raised on thrifting all of my clothes & home decor
• I actually am near sighted (even though I don’t wear Hipster glasses)
• I like it when Mike grows a beard & looks so rugged
• We love to go camping & be in the outdoors
• I wash my hair like twice a week and mostly leave it natural
• Our apt contains a lot of Ikea furniture
• I’m socially pretty shy when you first meet me, and later I’m pretty sarcastic and have a dry sense of humor/irony
• I own a Mac.  and skinny jeans. ‘Nuff said.
• I like cats

But just to be clear, there are some definite things that separate me from this group:  

• I’m not Democratic
• I don’t get super worked up about global warming
• I have no bumper stickers on my car
• I don’t hate McDonnalds or Walmart for being monopolies 
• I’m not trendy & don’t own the latest gear
• I don’t do the ‘fake moustache’ thing.
• I'm not super technologically savvy
• No messenger bag
• I don’t drink coffee or hang out in bookstore café’s
• I’ve never been to an outdoor concert
• I don’t play Ukulele
• I could never live in LA or NYC
• I don’t have an awesome camera or moped or Iphone
• I don’t get Instagram, Flickr, Tumblr, etc. 
• I don’t photograph everything I eat

Some people seem to get so offended when you call them Hipsters, especially because they like to be viewed as individuals.  Unfortunately, there are so many individuals that have the same taste in things that it seems to have turned into a mainstream movement, which has turned it into something ironic in and of itself.   I don’t use the term negatively; I have a lot of friends who fall into some hipsterly trends (starting their own bands, buying vintage clothing, traveling abroad, taking tons of Instagram photos of what they ate that day) and I think that they are awesome people...the truth is that I sometimes find myself wishing I was that cool.  I know saying I’m hipster-ish puts me outside the group, but in a way I’m proud that there are a lot of people that are funny and like satire, ride bikes, recycle old clothes and care about current issues and the arts.  I know that soon, like big hair bands, goths, emos, or boy bands, the whole "hipster thing" will run it's course, but I think I'll still ride out the wave and then remember these college years fondly when my kids are teasing me about still wearing too-tight skinny jeans.  

Shell We Camp?

One of our favorite things to do is to go camping.  

Here are some summer photos from above Shell Canyon, WY. (Sanderson style)

Mike teaching the nephews things every boy ought to know, I'm sure 

The proud new camper owners.  What a spacious abode

Mike's still unsure of babies. In general. 

Here's my niece! Little Zaili (sorry Tami for the spelling) Young.  She makes the best faces

Cousins 

Little brodi-bot! (Broden) lookin fly with his daddy and his sunglasses

Mike and I decided to go all celestial in our matching outfits I guess

The water here was probably around 40 degrees!!! 

My perfect butt print.  So proud

Ruth coordinated some awesome games, songs, and skits to do one of the evenings there.  It was so fun!

Here's more nieces and nephews playing the skittles game (Christian, Shiloh, *friend*, Alec, Karsten, Saige)

The best part about being married is getting adopted into a whole other family, and getting to know and love each of them like the ones you've grown up with.  I love my newly enlarged family, including all my sibling-in-laws and all of their great kids.  I'm really grateful that they've returned the favor by accepting me as their family and loving me as one of the bunch.  We're very blessed to be in the Sanderson clan!