Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Introspection on Times of Uncertainty

Geez it's been a while since I've posted!  I'm trying to work out the kinks with Blogger so it will let me post more photos.  In the meanwhile, it'll be text only.  So if you don't like to read, you have company in the rest of America who would rather scan Instagram for updates.
P.S.  This blog post is more introspective, so I'm sorry if it doesn't poop rainbows.  You'll get what I mean.

At the close of Mike's first semester of medical school and my applications to graduate school, I'd imagine we both are feeling a mixture of relief and apprehension.  While we've both been busting our butts (figuratively...realistically, our butts have done nothing but grow this semester) and it will be nice to come to a conclusion of sorts, the end of one experience lends certainty in a new opportunity for growth.  For Mike, I think the future holds a realization of the expectations of medical school.  For me, I think the future holds unrealized opportunities in the form of a black vortex in my path.  For both of us, one of the scariest and most exciting moments in life will be taking the next step.

Mike and I had a great talk "the other night" about perspective.  In the earlier part of my life, success came relatively easily to me.  While I experienced some difficulties, opportunities --getting good grades, getting hired right after submitting an application, getting into college, remaining driven and optimistic-- all of those things just kind of happened.  It wasn't until college came and went that I was left blinking my eyes and experiencing, for the first time, fear and apprehension about the future.  I haven't gotten the job I want.  My scores on the GRE are not where I'd like them to be.  Most of all, I have no idea where I see myself five years down the road.  I'm 21 and as Mike put it, I'm experiencing a bit of a "quarter life crisis".  One of the hardest experiences in life is to see your greatest successes behind you and a void up ahead.

But while I don't exactly like the family-gathering questions of "What are you doing right now?  Are you getting bored out of you mind?  Do you have a job?  Did you get accepted to school yet?" I understand that we all just want to be excited for one another and celebrate movement and direction. It can be discouraging to feel stymied in your progress, but I know that when I finally do find my calling, it will feel all the sweeter.  At perhaps the greatest crossroads of my life to date, I've realized that the milestones we reach in life, or rather, the people that our trials teach us to become makes all of the waiting, the praying, and the apprehension that we sometimes experience way worth it (my mom teaches me this through her patience in her schooling, and how she's dealt with the unexpected trials that have happened throughout her life).

I take confidence in the fact that I teach a great primary class, I make my husband an Omlette each morning, and I am dang good at words and art and stuff.  All I can hope is that I succeed in the charges I've been given for now:  teacher, daughter, wife, and friend.


  1. You're great Ashley! I definately can relate to the feelings you are having right now. Here is how you should be responding to those questions.
    1. What are you doing right now? Answer: Being amazing. Like always
    2. Are you bored out of your mind? How could I be bored when I am always bust being so fanastic?
    3. Do you have a job? I don't think you are getting this. My job is to be AWESOME
    4. Did you get accepted to school yet? No. I am actually starting my own school to instruct others how to be like me. You should consider applying

    1. This is fantastic! I'm going to put all of these answers on a laminated index card and carry them around in my pocket to make me feel good. ;D