Letters to my future self, from my kid self.

I recently found a resume I wrote when I was 11 years old.  It was a hand-written paragraph describing my "extensive work experience" babysitting, my house cleaning skills, and affordable rates.  I was a pretty cool kid at 11.  Even then, I never said "no previous job experience"; I was optimistic that the skills I'd learned in my years at home somehow prepared me for a big-kid job.  

From left to right: Me, my little sister Paige, and my older sister Bri.
As I remember it, we were the coolest 90s kids.

Lately I've reverted somewhat to the childhood Ashley; the one who wears her cowboy boots and swimsuit around the neighborhood, soliciting family friends for candy through song and dance.  I'm not that intense any more, but I still do put on my boots whenever I walk around the house.  I've found that at a time in my life where I'm really only motivated for like three hours of my day, and the rest I mostly feel tired or of ill use, I can put my cowboy boots on and literally go to work.  When my boots are on, I feel powerful; like I'm going to kick butt somewhere and get junk done!  I do my laundry in my boots.  I pay the bills in my boots.  I play some keyboard or guitar, or write a blog post, or bake a cake, or make a scrapbook page all in my boots.  

I'm the rascal on the left

I love that these boots remind me of my childhood, and wish I had a picture of the swimsuit and boots getup.  If my kid self saw me now, I think she'd have a few things to say to me.  

First, she'd be sad that all the Beanie Babies I meticulously saved weren't worth a billion dollars, and that I finally sold them at garage sales along with my Sky Dancers, Skip-It, Tomogachi, Easy-Bake Oven, and those bears you can draw on with marker and then wash later.  My kid self would be happy to see that I still own Jellies for my adult-sized feet.  She'd be happy when I told her that while we were here in Laramie, we weren't afraid to play with our friends kids; how we've loved building snow forts with the neighbors, or tossing them around while their parents aren't looking.  After all, the grown-up me thinks it's pretty cool that our friends son listed us as his "best friends" along with the other three-year-olds in his class, his Mom and Dad, and younger brother.  He even gave us a cute Valentine, which honestly makes me feel the coolest, and which we proudly display on our fridge.

Kid Ashley would realize how important it is to throw yourself into any situation, headfirst, throwing caution to the wind, even if that means just showing up to Mother's play group when you yourself don't have any children, or entering a cake-building contest when you've never done it before.  Or even if that means staying fearless when you put yourself out there and don't get the job you want.  It doesn't matter in the long run.  Do I look back now and regret all the things I tried and failed when I was five?  NO!  I wanted to publish a novel, be a paleontologist-spy, save the planet, and invent things.  I did my best and didn't worry about the outcome, which is something I would remind me today.

I miss my kid self's endless energy and spunk. 

I guess what I'm saying is that we can all learn from the past, and the little people we once were don't just disappear when we outgrow them.  I am very proud of the things I did when I was little, and more importantly the attitude I had toward life.  Though those experiences are in the past, they shaped the person I am today. I would do good to always remember to keep learning and growing, making everything an adventure, just as my kid self did.

Christmas Time Confession

      I saw this on Facebook and I just really liked it and wanted to re-post it on my blog.  Kudos to people for standing up for their beliefs, however unpopular they may be.  The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary.  

"My confession:

"I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejewelled trees, Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are, Christmas trees.

"It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, “Merry Christmas” to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a crib, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

"I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from, that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.

"Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship celebrities and we aren't allowed to worship God? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where these celebrities came from and where the America we knew went to.

"In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

"Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her: 'How could God let something like this happen?' (regarding Hurricane Katrina). Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said: 'I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?'

"In light of recent events... terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found a few years ago) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbour as yourself. And we said OK.

"Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave, because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said okay.

"Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

"Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with 'WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.'

"Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

"Are you laughing yet?

"Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

"Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

"Pass it on if you think it has merit.

"If not, then just discard it.... no one will know you did. But if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

"My Best Regards, Honestly and respectfully,

"Ben Stein"

100 Things I'm Grateful For

For my Mind, Body, Health class, we got the extra credit assignment to write a list of 100 things that we're grateful for. I've actually loved doing this!  After getting stuck around about item 47, I really had to think, subdivide, and google: "list of things I'm grateful for."  By the end, I really was feeling super grateful for all that I have, and I came out with over 100 things that I needed to pair down.  Here she is:

1.      I’m grateful that we’ve always had just enough money to cover our expenses when they come due, even if we don’t know where it came from.

2.      I’m grateful that I have excellent health despite all of the trans fats I’ve consumed via Totino’s pizzas

3.      I’m grateful that I can move! It feels great to get out of my bed, walk, and dance

4.      I’m grateful that I attend one of the most prestigious schools in the Nation and pay a pittance for admission

5.      I’m grateful that most of our tuition is paid for by the government and generous donors through Scholarships and Grants

6.      I’m grateful for the positive, uplifting, academic atmosphere at BYU

7.      I’m grateful that I get to wake up to my best friend each day

8.      I’m grateful that my husband fuels my desire to become the best version of myself

9.      I’m grateful that I am a child of God who was righteous enough to be sent to Earth at this day and age to prepare the way for the second coming of Christ

10.  I’m grateful that I know I have divinity within me and the potential to become like God.

11.  I’m grateful that I get to take classes I love and chose my major

12.  I’m grateful that I got married young before I became stubborn and set in my ways, and while I’m still malleable

13.  I’m grateful that we have a temple five minutes from our apartment

14.  I’m grateful that I am a fabulous cook.

15.  I’m grateful that our cupboards are always at least partly full, which I can’t say for at least 30% of the world

16.  I’m grateful that my job allows me to eat delicious food for free after catering events

17.  I’m grateful that I took a weight lifting class in high school and now know how to use the equipment in the weights room

18.  I’m grateful that I went through a long awkward phase so I wasn’t tempted by vanity or physical temptations when I was young

19.  I’m grateful that I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which provides me with a curriculum to become perfect and gain exaltation. 

20.  I’m grateful that I live in one of the richest nations in the world.  I have a roof over my head, heating and air conditioning, a car to drive, an education, and adequate food. 

21.  I’m grateful that I don’t live in fear of the government or my safety

22.  I’m grateful that my body reminds me each month that it’s healthy enough to get pregnant and carry a baby

23.  I’m grateful that I can read and have gained so much knowledge throughout my life

24.  I’m grateful that my parents raised me in a home full of acceptance, guidance, good morals, fun activities, strong religious convictions, and love. 

25.  I’m grateful that my parents are still married

26.  I’m grateful that my parents have taught me by example how to live a healthy, happy lifestyle

27.  I’m grateful that the Savior atoned for me such that the sins I repented of are washed away.  I have a clean slate

28.  I’m grateful that I have no allergies, diseases, viruses, and have had no broken bones.

29.  I’m grateful that if I wore a different item of each type of clothing each day (i.e. pants + shirt + shoes), I would not cycle through them all in a one month period

30.  I’m grateful that we have technology at our fingertips.  I can talk to people around the world, learn what the greats knew, etc.

31.  I’m grateful that I’m not addicted to anything (pornography, drugs, alcohol, depressing thoughts, nicotine, swearing).  Love is my only drug.

32.  I’m grateful that I have positive self esteem and really regard myself as capable, talented, productive, and beautiful

33.  I’m grateful that I can clearly see my weaknesses and derive pleasure from the challenge of making them into strengths.  I think about things I would love to improve each day automatically

34.  I’m grateful that I can play the piano, violin, guitar, and sing

35.  I’m grateful that I have a calling at church that allows me to help others, feel important and needed, and have a place in the world. 

36.  I’m grateful that for the most part, I have good habits

37.  I’m grateful for death, because it makes life so much more meaningful

38.  I’m grateful that life is so much easier now than it was hundreds of years ago.

39.  I’m grateful I got to go to Japan in high school.  I learned to see the world as a much larger place, to respect another culture and to interact with people and form friendships that spanned beyond a language barrier.  It helped my confidence and maturity grow immensely.

40.  I’m grateful I speak English, which allows me to converse with people of other countries and them to converse with me.

41.  I’m grateful that I don’t have to make all my food from scratch but that I can.

42.  I’m grateful for modern science and medicine

43.  I’m grateful that I’m good at most things I try right off the bat (not to brag, only to say that it’s a blessing to have many interests, talents, and hobbies).  These talents include an artistic eye and hand, talent in rock climbing and other individual sports, and in music.

44.  I’m grateful that I grew up in beautiful Colorado where my family spent quality time together in the outdoors hunting, rock climbing, hiking, camping, 4-wheeling, and biking.  I now love the outdoors and appreciate the beauty and serenity found in nature. 

45.  I’m grateful that my best friend’s mother taught me lessons I needed to hear from an adult other than my own parents when I was going through a tough growing experience in high school.  She helped my self-worth increase and was candid with me about important issues. 

46.  I’m grateful that my best friend taught me patience, that you can’t control anyone, and that relationships are as strong as you make them.

47.  Growing up, my family was very close to my extended family.  I developed close knit relationships with my cousins and they have been such a support to me while we’ve all been here at BYU.  My aunts and uncles and grandparents also welcome us for dinners, game nights, and fun, which have been a blessing to me as my immediate family lives 8 hours away.

48.  My dad was layed off for a time while I was living at home.  My mom had food storage and savings that helped us survive and taught me the power of budgeting, optimism, paying tithing, and service.  It made me heartier as a person and less dependent on external things for happiness.

49.  I’m grateful I’ve had so many positive influences over the years including my parents, Young Woman’s leaders, grandparents, aunts and uncles, mentors, friends, dates, teachers, etc.

50.  I’m grateful that I have a marvelous, gorgeous wedding band that reminds me of covenants I’ve made and what a great husband I have for forever

51.  I’m grateful to have chosen the wrong decision at times and learned from my mistakes

52.  I’m grateful that I am self reliant. I don’t depend on my parents, the church, or the government for funding. 

53.  I’m grateful that I know most of the skills necessary to be a contributing adult in this society.

54.  I’m grateful that my husband is patient with me even though I know he knows my weaknesses

55.  I’m grateful for those “Ah-ha!” moments that have been so important to my personal growth over the years.

56.  I’m grateful that we got enough money and gifts from our wedding to furnish our apartment and decorate it so that it is cute and comfortable.  I love feeling the spirit when I come home.

57.  I’m grateful that my husband and I got sealed in the SLC Temple for time and eternity.  We will not be separated by death and can continue to progress after this life. 

58.  I’m grateful that when I’ve relied on the Lord and focused outside myself, I’ve succeeded, and when I haven’t, I’ve failed.

59.  I’m grateful that I can recognize right and wrong and truth

60.  I’m grateful that my Mom taught me how to drive a standard ("stick-shift"), which is the only car I’ve ever owned

61.  I’m grateful that I worked during high school, which helped me to learn that things aren’t handed out, the value of hard work, saving versus spending, delaying gratification, and responsibility and integrity.

62.  I’m grateful that my parents used to take me and my siblings to sing for elderly and sick patients, shovel the driveway for the neighbors, etc. which taught me how to serve with a smile

63.  I’m grateful to have a sense of humor that fills life with fun and meaning and optimism

64.  I’m grateful to have neuromuscular control over my limbs

65.  I’m grateful that I’ve made the right decision many times

66.  I’m grateful that I have a good physique genetically

67.  I’m grateful I have hot water to bathe in, that comes out of a faucet

68.  My major is Communication Disorders.  I often hear of all the things that can go wrong; a person has their larynx removed, they have a sensorineural hearing loss, etc.  I am grateful I can speak and that I have a good vocal quality; that I have pretty good pitch and can sing; that I can hear what others are saying without hearing aids; that I can listen to and appreciate music.

69.  I’m grateful my father worked hard to provide us with the necessities

70.  I’m grateful my parents still pay for my phone bill and like to help my husband and I out with little gifts in the mail

71.  I’m grateful my husband is applying to medical school to provide us with the money to have lots of children

72.  I’m grateful that my husband is smart but that he’s devoted and applied himself to his studies and as a result is driven, intelligent, and he knows where he is going in life.

73.  I’m grateful that Mike and I could attend a financial planning seminar.  We’ve since created a budget so we can pay off debt and put money in savings.  I’m grateful for the chance to be financially stable.

74.  I’m grateful that I have my independence.  The movie The Diving Bell and the Butterfly shows a man who through disability loses all motor function besides blinking his eyes.  I’m grateful I can go to the bathroom, eat, drink, walk, communicate my needs, and get out of bed by myself

75.  I’m grateful that we live in Utah valley and are surrounded with people who are driven, excited about learning, spiritual, family-minded, charitable, and great examples to us

76.  I’m grateful that we have gone on so many fun dates and still do so

77.  I’m grateful that I have a job and get along with the people I work with

78.  I’m grateful that I know that the most worthwhile things take time, and that if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.

79.  I’m grateful that I realize that there’s never been an issue at work or at home that doesn’t resolve itself.  I’ve learned that if I’m doing what’s right, I just sit back and know the Lord is on my side, even when things may seem unfair or others are in the wrong. I know that God is Just and while I can’t control others, I can control myself

80.  I’m grateful that people look up to me.  I’ve been able, through my actions to be a positive example to my cousins, nonmember friends, and my siblings. 

81.  I’m grateful that I didn’t have to experience the heartache that comes from serious mistakes, and although I did some stupid things when I was younger, the Lord was able to re-direct my path.  I’m in the best situation I could ever hope for, and it’s a miracle I got to this place.

82.  I’m grateful that there are miracles everyday

83.  I’m grateful that although I have no sense of physical direction, I’ve never been seriously lost

84.  I’m grateful that the world is a beautiful

85.  I’m grateful that my teeth are healthy now.  We went through a time where I had to get two root canals and crowns, and four fillings.  Now I have nightmares of all my teeth sequentially falling out and I wake up grateful that they are intact

86.  I’m grateful that my mom read to me as a child.  I now love books

87.  I’m grateful that the Lord has given us the scriptures and still speaks to me today through his prophets.

88.  I’m grateful that I own my own computer and have blog full of our fun memories

89.  I’m grateful I keep a journal that will someday be precious to me and my children

90.  I’m grateful that I’m a good, satirical writer

91.  I’m grateful that I connect well to my in-laws and value spending time with them

92.  I’m grateful that I own household cleaning supplies and use them

93.  I’m grateful that I live in a relatively peaceful area while the world is at war

94.  I’m grateful that I live in a society where I’m free to chose my occupation

95.  I’m grateful that I live in a society where women are encouraged to gain an education

96.  I’m grateful that I have so much free time

97.  I’m grateful I live in a society where I am free to chose who I associate with and marry

98.  I’m grateful that if I got sick, we would have adequate insurance to cover any expenses

99.  I’m grateful that I know that I can feel whole and happy independent of my situation, hardships, others, or despite limited relationships

100.   I’m grateful there are good people in this world

When Mike was on his mission, he started a tradition of writing, in red ink, one things he was grateful for each day in his journal.  I think that the more you write these things down, the more they easily come to mind, and the more grateful you feel for them.  I also think that one important lesson we all need to learn is to attribute our blessings to God, and to realize that whatever our strengths, talents, life situation, etc, they all are given to us. That's what I learned from this assignment.  I'd like to make the goal of having more things that I'm grateful for than things that I'm concerned about throughout each day. 

This begs the question, what are you grateful for?